A breakthrough way to prosper in love and relationships with ADHD

I know it sounds too good to be true, but there really is a way to overcome one of the biggest barriers to happy, healthy relationships with (or without) ADHD. 

Let me explain. But first, a vulnerable share… 

I’ve had a rocky time getting back into dating after a looooong break. I was over the moon when I met someone special, and it didn’t take long before we had a beautiful connection. I hadn’t felt those feels in such a very long time. 

But, as has happened over and over in my lifetime, our collective stuff meant that we barely got to enjoy it before it was over. 

Thankfully, as I navigated this roller-coaster, I remembered learning about attachment theory in my past soul-searching. With some (careful) help from AI, I quickly made sense of exactly what was going on. Turns out, that despite being in a really good place for a long time, some of my deepest inner work is yet to happen.

Most importantly, I can finally see a very bright light at the end of the tunnel for me in love! I have found a way to address attachment challenges. It essentially rewires your nervous system for love, or in other words, for secure attachment. 

And — get this — it doesn’t involve much talking about or revisiting the past!

How our attachment patterns form

In a nutshell, when tiny humans don’t experience steady, safe love, their brains wire for more of the same. Those early patterns don’t just vanish. They follow us into adulthood, shaping how safe or unsafe closeness feels. It’s staggering that due to what happens in infancy, instead of providing comfort, relationships can trigger anxiety, the need for distance, or sometimes a mix of both. 

This applies across the board, however, with numbers like 70-90% of kids showing signs of insecure attachment where ADHD is present, there appears to be something about us that increases the risk. This actually makes a lot of sense, as ‘attunement’ is something we really struggle with. When you consider the intergenerational nature of ADHD, seeing as it is largely genetic, both parent and child factors are probably making us more likely to experience attachment disturbances.  

This is important, because it’s not (always) about ‘bad’ parenting. It’s much more common that it’s about a lack of know-how, resources and support. 

While some people do find healthy, happy relationships despite these tendencies, it’s less common because our nervous systems are literally wired differently from people with a ‘secure’ attachment style.

Insecure attachment is not always as obvious as mine — I’ve really struggled to have relationships at all except on a few occasions. Many people with insecure attachment styles are married, or in long-term relationships; however, they may experience a classical ‘push-pull’ dance of intimacy that causes conflict. Or one partner may feel they compromise a lot more when it comes to having their needs met. 

The different attachment patterns

In a nutshell, there are 3 types of insecure attachment:

Anxiously attached (or ambivalent) people crave intimacy, and when they make close connections, their nervous system expects to be abandoned, which tragically, very often ends up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Avoidantly attached (or dismissive) people push intimacy away because their nervous system makes it feel dangerous to get too close, leading to behaviours that can sabotage connection over and over.

And some people have a combination of these patterns — a disorganised (or fearful) attachment style — so that they both crave and fear intimacy. This is a particularly challenging pattern, making relationships really challenging.

And the cherry on the icing on the cake? When it comes to anxious and avoidant patterns, we are very often attracted to people with the exact opposite insecure attachment style. This can, not surprisingly, lead to heartache over and over again, as it has for me.